It’s my 3rd year of university. I walk into my school’s clubs room to see writing from an abandoned, un-erased discussion about sex, intimacy and relationships. I could see that many questions had been asked and even more conclusions had been made. Some of the questions looked into whether a person could truly like/love another in a relationship without sex, and whether the intimacy surrounding a relationship would be lost or compromised?
Sex is clearly an important topic of opinion. Important enough to have a group of post-secondary students devote their time and effort filling a chalkboard with handwritten notes about the subject. Yes, they were handwritten! Before addressing my own questions, I remember disagreeing (eye-rolls and all) with just about every conclusion drawn; generalizing that the happiest couples, pre-marital that is, have sex.
My own opinion and faith in Jesus lead me to believe that nobody on earth knows what they are talking about concerning many emotionally directed topics like sex. A group of undergraduate students making definitive comments about sex and its contribution to the love produced in a relationship isn’t exactly where I’d feel comfortable getting guidance on the matter. People and their motives change day by day, so please forgive me if I refuse to accept the times and reasons society says I should be having sex. What if we applied our emotions and viewpoints to justify a breach in state/provincial legislation the same way we do with the law of God [Bible]? What would happen if after a long, frustrating day at work I decided to yield to my emotions and drive 50km above the speed limit as a method of relieving stress? I think it’s safe to say I’d surely face one consequence or another. I may get ticketed, or I could possibly end up injuring/killing myself or another in an accident. Or, maybe nothing at all would happen and I’d escape accountability. Who knows? In the same way, when we breach the law of God, there are a variety of consequences in the Spirit that we may face, ranging in severity. For example, having premarital sex may ignite promiscuity or low self esteem. The consequences can be physical as well, such as an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection. But we don’t seem to regard these possible consequences as reasons why God might instruct us to wait. People are more comfortable claiming that Christians are oppressed or weird, rather than seeing how breaking a law of God can associate life altering consequences, in the same way breaking a state or provincial law could.
Being enslaved by our emotions is often a major cause of disobedience towards the word of God. The fear of rejection, loneliness, and inadequacy are some of the emotions we tend to give into as young people when we carry a mindset that sex is a necessary act of our youth and of dating.
I’d like to believe that everything in life involves a biased mix of fact and opinion depending on the point of view. So what are the facts about sex? Sex is extremely important, but the fact of the matter is that it isn’t essentially necessary to human livelihood in the way a lot of people make it out to be. By essential I mean, we won’t die without it. Our feelings and emotions may cause us to feel otherwise, but go a week or more without it and your health will remain unaltered, I promise. The Bible is fact, whether or not we decide to apply it’s direction to our lives. How you or I feel about the Bible and what it says doesn’t dilute or disprove it. Spiritual things can only be understood at a spiritual level, and it would only take someone who in his very nature is spirit to understand something as complicated as sex and what the perfect context for it should be. Of course as a human, the desire to have sex exists intensely. I’m not saying that as a Christian, you will automatically lose your sex drive because you won’t. However, the word of God calls us to wait until marriage in order to avoid the sorrow and disappointment that often follows having sex with partners who aren’t the one you are meant to be with. Always remember that the Lord isn’t instructing that we save sex for marriage because he wants to take away from our fun and ruin our lives. It’s much easier to take joy in following God’s word when you understand that everything God says is for your own good. Rather, he asks this of us because he knows all the horrible possibilities when sex happens outside of marriage. Family ending infidelity, abortion as a result of unplanned pregnancy, disease and emotional indebtedness to others would be a figment of our imagination if only we did what he said. Imagine all the hurt, heartache, and health issues that could be avoided by regarding sex in the context it was intended for.
In 1 Corinthians 7:2 Paul addresses the Church is Corinth instructing them that they should save sex for marriage because of immorality. God knows the things that we are capable of outside of his original plan. My motive is not to condemn or shame those who find themselves in this situation; but rather, to encourage. The Bible says that blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. If it is your desire to be free from the enslavement of sexual sin because you wish to live in accordance with God’s word, ask for this in prayer and see if God won’t show up. Not everyone will agree. Many who believe in God may not even agree. Only those who have come to understand their calling as a follower of Christ and strive to live to please and satisfy God will find this message in good spirit. Such is life. I can only write about what God lays on my heart. God calls us to be different and to live above the influence and above the norm in a world that screams otherwise. John 15:19 calls us to live counter-cultural and to dare to stand out for the Lord, even if no one approves of agrees.
True love waits.